In my experience as a parent, I feel that the most infuential factor on children is their parents. For children from a family with strong parental support, they have positive experiences where they learn about right and wrong and good and bad from their parents. The same can be said of children who lack parental support. Their negative expereinces shape their beliefs and values. Our book mentions that parents are a child's first mirror (Berns 485). Parents are the first window to the world that children see. If mom fed us green beans, we accepted that as normal. If mom offered us a wine cooler in our sippy cup because she didn't want to get up and get us something else, we accepted that as normal. (Yes, I actually witnessed this when I was in my late teens at a park. If I witnessed this today I would call the police and CPS immediatley.)
Our book tells us that there is a relationship between parenting styles and capable children (Berns 484). An authoratative parent is the most effective at producing capable children. Children thrive on predicibility and structure, so a parent who provides this has children who tend to develop control. The opposite is true for parents who use a permissive or authoritarian style. Their children have much lower self-esteems.
LaJoe was a huge influence on her children - while they were young. Yet once they started school, her influence became less important. Partly because of the environment she raised her children in and partly because she might have wanted it that way. She put such high expectation in her mind of what she desired for her older children - and they each disappointed her. So when it came to Lafeyette and Pharoah, she dreamed, but I think she also felt that feeling of - here we go again - nothing is going to change. Especially when Lafeyette got arrested and into trouble. LaJoe was the one who chose to raise her kids in an environment where a good influence was hard to come by.
So overall, my choice for the biggest influence in a child's development and life would be parents - be it good or bad.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Media & My Kids
I think that every parent needs to decide what is right for their family when it comes to media and technology. What works for my kids might not work for yours and vice versa. I can’t dictate to you how to raise your kids anymore than you can dictate the same thing to me. Each family and each child is unique and should be treated as individuals. Of course, parents should set the standard for the types of shows they allow their children to watch or games they allow their child to play and web sites they allow their child to access. A child left to his or her own devices won’t make the best decisions regarding media and technology unless the parents have given them guidelines and instructions. Active involved parenting is the best answer.
In our home, computers and video games and tv may not be turned on until 4pm when homework is done. Our computers have a program installed that allows me to see what websites my kids visit and how long they stay at each one. So far, You Tube is the only site I won’t let my kids visit without my permission based on their web surfing history. During the week I don’t set time limits, but I do require that they play outside from 5 – 6 before we eat dinner. The only tvs in our home that are connected to satellite are in my room and in my 10 year old son’s room. His tv is locked down with so many parental controls that pretty much he watches Man vs. Wild, Unwrapped or How It’s Made. The weekends are a different story, though. The tv still has parental controls, but Sponge Bob and Cartoon Network are available each day. I have found that for my kids if I am too strict about “screen” time, they fight me more than if I leave it up to them. They get bored sitting and staring a screen for hours on end. So they get up and play their own versions of Blue’s Clues or Sponge Bob. (Shh, my 10 year old might get embarrassed that I mentioned he plays Blue’s Clues with his 5 and 7 year old sisters). I guess I am fortunate there and I would like to think it is partly because I did something right as a parent raising them to be responsible time managers.
In our home, computers and video games and tv may not be turned on until 4pm when homework is done. Our computers have a program installed that allows me to see what websites my kids visit and how long they stay at each one. So far, You Tube is the only site I won’t let my kids visit without my permission based on their web surfing history. During the week I don’t set time limits, but I do require that they play outside from 5 – 6 before we eat dinner. The only tvs in our home that are connected to satellite are in my room and in my 10 year old son’s room. His tv is locked down with so many parental controls that pretty much he watches Man vs. Wild, Unwrapped or How It’s Made. The weekends are a different story, though. The tv still has parental controls, but Sponge Bob and Cartoon Network are available each day. I have found that for my kids if I am too strict about “screen” time, they fight me more than if I leave it up to them. They get bored sitting and staring a screen for hours on end. So they get up and play their own versions of Blue’s Clues or Sponge Bob. (Shh, my 10 year old might get embarrassed that I mentioned he plays Blue’s Clues with his 5 and 7 year old sisters). I guess I am fortunate there and I would like to think it is partly because I did something right as a parent raising them to be responsible time managers.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Best and Worst of Teachers
The best teacher I ever had was my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. D. She always made each day of learning interesting and exciting, yet she demanded our best. She encouraged us to explore with hands on activities. She also modified assignments for those of us who were ahead of the curve and for other students who were behind the curve without either group feeling singled out. Our book tells us that well managed classrooms have teachers who spend their time teaching, not dealing with behavior problems (Berns, 261). Mrs. D rarely had discipline problems, she always intervened before a problem developed, redirected the potential offender(s) and had a solution at the tip of her fingers. According to our text, cooperative learning happens when students work together to accomplish a goal (Berns 288). Mrs. D always wanted us to feel accepted, and fostered many cooperative learning activities.
The worst teacher I ever had – and this is hard, because I idolized most of my teachers – was probably Mr. B. He was thirty-something and taught computer class when I was in 10th grade. He had zero classroom management skills. Our book tells us that a competitive goal structure is one where students compete against other students to attain a goal that only a few can reach (Berns, 288). This was Mr. B’s philosophy. Every DOS based project was assigned a grade based on how quickly students turned the work in. His management style was what our book calls, laissez-faire, a permissive style of leadership where students are allowed to do as they please (Berns, 259). I disliked his class because we didn’t learn anything about technology. Our assignments were based on a programming language that was already out of date when we were learning it since our school couldn’t afford new technology they just keeping teaching the old, out of date stuff.
Overall I remember the content of what I learned in fifth grade – states and capitals, the solar system, and the verbs of being – because I have vivid memories of the experiences my teacher used to teach the material.
The worst teacher I ever had – and this is hard, because I idolized most of my teachers – was probably Mr. B. He was thirty-something and taught computer class when I was in 10th grade. He had zero classroom management skills. Our book tells us that a competitive goal structure is one where students compete against other students to attain a goal that only a few can reach (Berns, 288). This was Mr. B’s philosophy. Every DOS based project was assigned a grade based on how quickly students turned the work in. His management style was what our book calls, laissez-faire, a permissive style of leadership where students are allowed to do as they please (Berns, 259). I disliked his class because we didn’t learn anything about technology. Our assignments were based on a programming language that was already out of date when we were learning it since our school couldn’t afford new technology they just keeping teaching the old, out of date stuff.
Overall I remember the content of what I learned in fifth grade – states and capitals, the solar system, and the verbs of being – because I have vivid memories of the experiences my teacher used to teach the material.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Pre-School
The left hemisphere of the brain is especially active in children of preschool age and then levels off. Accounting for that fact is that between the ages of 2 and 6 the brain increases from 70% of its adult weight to 90% (Exploring Lifespan Development, Laura Berk, 165). Much of children’s gross and fine motor skills are developed and refined in the preschool years also.
When I was a child pre-school was called nursery school. I attended two days a week when I was four years old. As I grew, my mom put my younger brothers into a parent co-op pre-school. In this type of environment, parents are active participants in the preparation and implementation of weekly, age appropriate activities.
My own children attended the City of Roseville preschool offered at the local elementary school site for two days a week when they were 3 and three days a week when they were 4. In my experience children learn easily and really well during that age range. I put my kids in preschool for the socialization aspect. They learned to follow a routine and get along with others that were NOT their family members. It was also only for 2 hours, not an all day care giving experience.
Dual income parents today may not have the necessary time to teach their young children skills necessary for a successful transition to Kindergarten. For those families, preschool/daycare settings that emphasize curriculum, which our book defines as goals and objectives of a program (Berns, 197) are much more beneficial to children – in my opinion - than placing them in a care giving environment where grandma lets the kids do what they want with no dialogue, interaction, or instruction. Not to say that grandma can’t be a viable care option, but if the children receive no other socialization, or are not encouraged to interact and she simply places them in front of the tv, they will be behind the curve in Kindergarten.
But a substandard preschool/daycare center would do far worse damage to a child than grandma sitting them in front of the tv. In my own research of quality pre-school programs, the best programs were very costly and the reasonably priced ones had high staff turnover, low employee compensation, and low educational requirements for staff, a trait that our book suggests as common (Berns, 181). Many twenty-something college students think a career teaching preschool children will prove exciting, yet a mere 6 units of college course work, just two ECE classes which is generally the requirement for a pre-school assistant, does not adequately prepare them for the challenges of teaching preschoolers. Thus, a high turnover in staff ensues since they realize they aren't getting paid enough to deal with Johnny who hits all the time and Suzie who bites and Lisa who refuses to participate in carpet time and Billy who can't sit still.
In my experience as both a parent and a preschool teacher, the best type of curriculum content in one that is theme based. And the best type of learning environment is what our book calls developmental interaction curriculum (Berns 201). A classroom contains various learning centers and each learning center revolves around a theme. For example; apples – children use apples to apply paint to a picture. The eat apples for snack. A chart is made to graph the kinds of apples the children like. Apple seeds are planted. A book about apples is read. Rhymes are learned about apples. Math skills, language skills and writing skills are all incorporated into each theme.
However, I think that both learner directed and teacher directed activities are essential for preschoolers to be prepared for a Kindergarten experience. Much of elementary school is teacher directed. Children who have only been exposed to learner directed activities and been encouraged to learn at their pace and not have to do something they don’t want to – in my experience – struggle because they are expected to perform exactly as their teacher wishes right away yet lack the experience of practicing that skill. Yet children who have experienced a blend of both styles adapt better to the Kindergarten experience. But that is just my observation and my opinion as a volunteer mom in the Kindergarten classroom.
When I was a child pre-school was called nursery school. I attended two days a week when I was four years old. As I grew, my mom put my younger brothers into a parent co-op pre-school. In this type of environment, parents are active participants in the preparation and implementation of weekly, age appropriate activities.
My own children attended the City of Roseville preschool offered at the local elementary school site for two days a week when they were 3 and three days a week when they were 4. In my experience children learn easily and really well during that age range. I put my kids in preschool for the socialization aspect. They learned to follow a routine and get along with others that were NOT their family members. It was also only for 2 hours, not an all day care giving experience.
Dual income parents today may not have the necessary time to teach their young children skills necessary for a successful transition to Kindergarten. For those families, preschool/daycare settings that emphasize curriculum, which our book defines as goals and objectives of a program (Berns, 197) are much more beneficial to children – in my opinion - than placing them in a care giving environment where grandma lets the kids do what they want with no dialogue, interaction, or instruction. Not to say that grandma can’t be a viable care option, but if the children receive no other socialization, or are not encouraged to interact and she simply places them in front of the tv, they will be behind the curve in Kindergarten.
But a substandard preschool/daycare center would do far worse damage to a child than grandma sitting them in front of the tv. In my own research of quality pre-school programs, the best programs were very costly and the reasonably priced ones had high staff turnover, low employee compensation, and low educational requirements for staff, a trait that our book suggests as common (Berns, 181). Many twenty-something college students think a career teaching preschool children will prove exciting, yet a mere 6 units of college course work, just two ECE classes which is generally the requirement for a pre-school assistant, does not adequately prepare them for the challenges of teaching preschoolers. Thus, a high turnover in staff ensues since they realize they aren't getting paid enough to deal with Johnny who hits all the time and Suzie who bites and Lisa who refuses to participate in carpet time and Billy who can't sit still.
In my experience as both a parent and a preschool teacher, the best type of curriculum content in one that is theme based. And the best type of learning environment is what our book calls developmental interaction curriculum (Berns 201). A classroom contains various learning centers and each learning center revolves around a theme. For example; apples – children use apples to apply paint to a picture. The eat apples for snack. A chart is made to graph the kinds of apples the children like. Apple seeds are planted. A book about apples is read. Rhymes are learned about apples. Math skills, language skills and writing skills are all incorporated into each theme.
However, I think that both learner directed and teacher directed activities are essential for preschoolers to be prepared for a Kindergarten experience. Much of elementary school is teacher directed. Children who have only been exposed to learner directed activities and been encouraged to learn at their pace and not have to do something they don’t want to – in my experience – struggle because they are expected to perform exactly as their teacher wishes right away yet lack the experience of practicing that skill. Yet children who have experienced a blend of both styles adapt better to the Kindergarten experience. But that is just my observation and my opinion as a volunteer mom in the Kindergarten classroom.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Top 10 Stressors
The Top 10 Stressors on Families (and how my husband, kids and I deal with them) are:
10. Overscheduled Family Calendar - There is no down time when families are constantly on the go. My kids don't play every sport and have every minute of their day scheduled. I feel they learn just as much if we go to the park and they start up their own game of baseball or kickball.
9. Insufficient Family Play Time - My kids love to play board games with my husband and I - so we have a weekly game night. Most families I know are so over committed with activities that leave them in their cars most weeknights this would never be an option.
8. Spousal Relationship - There is a saying that says, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My husband and I are sure to connect with each other every evening - we discuss what was positive and negative about our days and we both listen to each other intently. It helps that we are still friends and genuinely care about each other even after 18 years of marriage.
7. Guilt For Not Accomplishing More - If we always look at what we "could" have done, we will never enjoy what we ARE doing right now. For me when I began focusing on right now, instead of what should have been done, it was the most freeing feeling in the world. My kids won't remember my to-do list, but they will remember what I did with them at that moment in time.
6. Insufficient "me" time - I think this is more a stress for moms than for dads. Moms are the glue that hold a family together and for me, if I constantly give and don't refresh myself, I am running on empty and no good for anyone.
5. Communicating with Children - My husband and I have a saying, "It's like talking to a brick wall." Enough said!
4. Lack of Shared Responsibility in the Family -I am so fortunate to have a husband who pitches in and helps. Of course, I had to get over the fact that not all of my kids or my husband perform their jobs the way I would. That doesn't make my way right and theirs wrong, it just makes them different ways to accomplish the same task - most of the time!
3. Insufficient Couple Time - When my kids were small and my mother in law watched them at my house (my father in law didn't want them at his) my house would look like a tornado hit it - so that was a major stress factor in itself and I never wanted to go out. But now teen babysitters have become my salvation for this stressor. I found a sitter that all four of my kids adore and look forward to their time with her. That takes the stress out of leaving them - plus she picks up after the kids so I come home to a spotless house. (And, no, I don't give out her name.....I might need her the same might you do - lol!)
2. Children's Behavior - This is a tough one. My kids know what we expect and we try to let them know why. That helps. But kids will always test the limits to see how far their poor behavior will take them. Another one of my favorite sayings is, "Negative attention is better than no attention at all." I try to remember that when my kids are acting up and see if part of the problem is because I haven't paid enough attention to them and they are acting out because of that.
1. Economics - Our book tells us that a downturn in a family's economic well-being produces less affection toward our kids (Berns, 122). And in today's economy, where furloughs of government employees and parents being laid off or terminated because a company can't afford to keep them, certainly does play a part in parent attitudes. Worry can creep in. But I find that if I keep a positive outlook, no matter how trying the situation, my kids pick up on that. They also pick up when I am stressed.
These stressors are taken from our text (Berns, 123) and the author lists them in this order. In my family, I think the order varies somewhat, but these are certainly things that can cause stress if they aren't dealt with in a positive manner.
10. Overscheduled Family Calendar - There is no down time when families are constantly on the go. My kids don't play every sport and have every minute of their day scheduled. I feel they learn just as much if we go to the park and they start up their own game of baseball or kickball.
9. Insufficient Family Play Time - My kids love to play board games with my husband and I - so we have a weekly game night. Most families I know are so over committed with activities that leave them in their cars most weeknights this would never be an option.
8. Spousal Relationship - There is a saying that says, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My husband and I are sure to connect with each other every evening - we discuss what was positive and negative about our days and we both listen to each other intently. It helps that we are still friends and genuinely care about each other even after 18 years of marriage.
7. Guilt For Not Accomplishing More - If we always look at what we "could" have done, we will never enjoy what we ARE doing right now. For me when I began focusing on right now, instead of what should have been done, it was the most freeing feeling in the world. My kids won't remember my to-do list, but they will remember what I did with them at that moment in time.
6. Insufficient "me" time - I think this is more a stress for moms than for dads. Moms are the glue that hold a family together and for me, if I constantly give and don't refresh myself, I am running on empty and no good for anyone.
5. Communicating with Children - My husband and I have a saying, "It's like talking to a brick wall." Enough said!
4. Lack of Shared Responsibility in the Family -I am so fortunate to have a husband who pitches in and helps. Of course, I had to get over the fact that not all of my kids or my husband perform their jobs the way I would. That doesn't make my way right and theirs wrong, it just makes them different ways to accomplish the same task - most of the time!
3. Insufficient Couple Time - When my kids were small and my mother in law watched them at my house (my father in law didn't want them at his) my house would look like a tornado hit it - so that was a major stress factor in itself and I never wanted to go out. But now teen babysitters have become my salvation for this stressor. I found a sitter that all four of my kids adore and look forward to their time with her. That takes the stress out of leaving them - plus she picks up after the kids so I come home to a spotless house. (And, no, I don't give out her name.....I might need her the same might you do - lol!)
2. Children's Behavior - This is a tough one. My kids know what we expect and we try to let them know why. That helps. But kids will always test the limits to see how far their poor behavior will take them. Another one of my favorite sayings is, "Negative attention is better than no attention at all." I try to remember that when my kids are acting up and see if part of the problem is because I haven't paid enough attention to them and they are acting out because of that.
1. Economics - Our book tells us that a downturn in a family's economic well-being produces less affection toward our kids (Berns, 122). And in today's economy, where furloughs of government employees and parents being laid off or terminated because a company can't afford to keep them, certainly does play a part in parent attitudes. Worry can creep in. But I find that if I keep a positive outlook, no matter how trying the situation, my kids pick up on that. They also pick up when I am stressed.
These stressors are taken from our text (Berns, 123) and the author lists them in this order. In my family, I think the order varies somewhat, but these are certainly things that can cause stress if they aren't dealt with in a positive manner.
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Child of the 80's
Being a teenager in the 80's had it's similarities to teens today. Teens experiemented with sex and drugs. Drama was a daily occurance - "I think I'm in love with him. He likes who? Will you talk to him? She's trying to go out with myboyfriend? Who does she think she is?" Talking on the phone was a right of passage for a teenage girl. But the phone was the family phone in the kitchen and privacy was non-existant unless you were one of the lucky girls who got their own phone in their room. Teens then also wanted to fit in and be part of a crowd.
Today's teens, however, face these same circumstances just much more intensely. Today many teens are desensitized to sex, drugs and violence thanks to the media. Almost every show on prime time today would be shows on at 10pm in the 80's - even shows like Scrubs or 2 1/2 Men. Teens take drugs and drama to an extreme - drugs aren't just cocaine and marijuana. They are sniffing sharpie pens and concoting cough syrup cocktails to get high. Drama is much more immediate as it unfolds across an instant broadcast text message to everyone in their cell phone address book. But I think one of the biggest differences is the drive for material things teens today desire. They want the latest and greatest of everything and feel like they don't fit in with their crowd if they don't have it.
Teens may have changed, but parenting has changed as well. I don't parent the same way my parents did. My parents didn't have immediate access to the interent every time a child development issue arose like I do. I have the benefit of posting to an online forum and reading comments from other parents on how they solved their potty traning issues. I like to think that I parent a little more wisely thanks to today's technology.
A societal trend that could negatively impact child development in the future is one of the diagnosis of behavior and learning disorders. These are diagnosed at a much higher rate with children today. And more children today are medicated for them. We don't know how or if the medications that children and teens today are taking will have long term effects on them or their future children. As these kids become parents, how will the medications they took in their teens affect the children the produce? Will there be long lasting side effects that impact their children? It will be interesting to watch this unfold.
Today's teens, however, face these same circumstances just much more intensely. Today many teens are desensitized to sex, drugs and violence thanks to the media. Almost every show on prime time today would be shows on at 10pm in the 80's - even shows like Scrubs or 2 1/2 Men. Teens take drugs and drama to an extreme - drugs aren't just cocaine and marijuana. They are sniffing sharpie pens and concoting cough syrup cocktails to get high. Drama is much more immediate as it unfolds across an instant broadcast text message to everyone in their cell phone address book. But I think one of the biggest differences is the drive for material things teens today desire. They want the latest and greatest of everything and feel like they don't fit in with their crowd if they don't have it.
Teens may have changed, but parenting has changed as well. I don't parent the same way my parents did. My parents didn't have immediate access to the interent every time a child development issue arose like I do. I have the benefit of posting to an online forum and reading comments from other parents on how they solved their potty traning issues. I like to think that I parent a little more wisely thanks to today's technology.
A societal trend that could negatively impact child development in the future is one of the diagnosis of behavior and learning disorders. These are diagnosed at a much higher rate with children today. And more children today are medicated for them. We don't know how or if the medications that children and teens today are taking will have long term effects on them or their future children. As these kids become parents, how will the medications they took in their teens affect the children the produce? Will there be long lasting side effects that impact their children? It will be interesting to watch this unfold.
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