Top 10 Stressors

The Top 10 Stressors on Families (and how my husband, kids and I deal with them) are:

10. Overscheduled Family Calendar - There is no down time when families are constantly on the go. My kids don't play every sport and have every minute of their day scheduled. I feel they learn just as much if we go to the park and they start up their own game of baseball or kickball.

9. Insufficient Family Play Time - My kids love to play board games with my husband and I - so we have a weekly game night. Most families I know are so over committed with activities that leave them in their cars most weeknights this would never be an option.

8. Spousal Relationship - There is a saying that says, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My husband and I are sure to connect with each other every evening - we discuss what was positive and negative about our days and we both listen to each other intently. It helps that we are still friends and genuinely care about each other even after 18 years of marriage.

7. Guilt For Not Accomplishing More - If we always look at what we "could" have done, we will never enjoy what we ARE doing right now. For me when I began focusing on right now, instead of what should have been done, it was the most freeing feeling in the world. My kids won't remember my to-do list, but they will remember what I did with them at that moment in time.

6. Insufficient "me" time - I think this is more a stress for moms than for dads. Moms are the glue that hold a family together and for me, if I constantly give and don't refresh myself, I am running on empty and no good for anyone.

5. Communicating with Children - My husband and I have a saying, "It's like talking to a brick wall." Enough said!

4. Lack of Shared Responsibility in the Family -I am so fortunate to have a husband who pitches in and helps. Of course, I had to get over the fact that not all of my kids or my husband perform their jobs the way I would. That doesn't make my way right and theirs wrong, it just makes them different ways to accomplish the same task - most of the time!

3. Insufficient Couple Time - When my kids were small and my mother in law watched them at my house (my father in law didn't want them at his) my house would look like a tornado hit it - so that was a major stress factor in itself and I never wanted to go out. But now teen babysitters have become my salvation for this stressor. I found a sitter that all four of my kids adore and look forward to their time with her. That takes the stress out of leaving them - plus she picks up after the kids so I come home to a spotless house. (And, no, I don't give out her name.....I might need her the same might you do - lol!)

2. Children's Behavior - This is a tough one. My kids know what we expect and we try to let them know why. That helps. But kids will always test the limits to see how far their poor behavior will take them. Another one of my favorite sayings is, "Negative attention is better than no attention at all." I try to remember that when my kids are acting up and see if part of the problem is because I haven't paid enough attention to them and they are acting out because of that.

1. Economics - Our book tells us that a downturn in a family's economic well-being produces less affection toward our kids (Berns, 122). And in today's economy, where furloughs of government employees and parents being laid off or terminated because a company can't afford to keep them, certainly does play a part in parent attitudes. Worry can creep in. But I find that if I keep a positive outlook, no matter how trying the situation, my kids pick up on that. They also pick up when I am stressed.

These stressors are taken from our text (Berns, 123) and the author lists them in this order. In my family, I think the order varies somewhat, but these are certainly things that can cause stress if they aren't dealt with in a positive manner.